I’ve had a few of you reach out to me for advice, and help with friendship groups, and I’ve also read some blog posts lately where some of you are struggling, so I’ve decided to write this.
To be honest, this is one of the weakest areas I can give you advice on, and although I’ve titled this as an advice post, it’s probably not going to be very helpful. And it will probably be me ranting at you about my own struggles. But, perhaps some of you will find that helpful in reassuring you that you’re not the only one.
When it comes to friends, I’ve never been an expert. There are those girls with dozens of friends, in lots of different groups, and always with a clique by her side. You don’t have to be like that, I promise you. All you need is a few close friends to put a smile on your face, and you will be content. Strive to find the good in your mates – don’t aim to have hundreds, who you can’t keep up with. My advice is to strengthen the relations you have with those who build you up, and make you happy.
At primary school, I was always an outsider in my class of girls. I was bullied for a period of time, and I think this has had quite a big effect on the way I am now. I don’t talk of this often, to be honest, because it was a time which really upset me as a child of about nine. I cried on my way into the playground every morning, but I never told anyone, until it blew over when we went into separate classes.
Again. Some advice. DON’T DO WHAT I DID. DON’T WAIT THAT LONG. Tell someone! Be it a parent, a carer, or a teacher. Now I look back on it, I honestly don’t know why I didn’t. I guess my Mum had full hands with my younger brother and sister, and didn’t want to cause extra problems. But now I realise she wouldn’t have minded. All she wanted was the best for me. So please. If you’re in that situation, speak out! You don’t deserve to live in fear.
Secondary school came and I was glad to get out of that school. I settled in to year seven with a fabulous close-knit group of friends, which has been strong all the way up through the school…up until about last year.
And that’s where the problems start. Now, our group connected to a bigger group. Which is fine. They’re all lovely people!
But, I can’t cope with the size. It’s so huge. And it’s always so loud. I struggle to deal with noise as it often makes me anxious, and so I can’t cope with sitting in a huge group. Especially when I don’t have all that much in common with most of them. And now I’m not as close with my original group. Sure, a couple of them. But the others, we’ve drifted apart. And I joke about it a lot, but I’ve also cried about it. I hate how the reliance of such a strong connection has gone. I don’t like the unfamiliarity of the zone we’re in anymore. I just want my group back.
As you grow older, it’s common for groups to change. It’s life. Things change. It doesn’t mean you have to like it. But it’s the way you deal with it which defines how well you adapt.
My advice would be to try and get along with everyone, and have a laugh. Stay close with those you already are. Have fun. Be light-hearted. If that doesn’t work out, try a different group.
And here’s where my advice falters.
I spent half of break-time today crying in the toilets. And the other half sitting by myself in the LRC.
The truth is, I’ve never felt so lonely.
It’s strange, isn’t it, how you can be surrounded by so many people, and still feel out of place? Like nobody really cares? Like you don’t belong? That’s how I feel in my group.
I feel lonely. And the loneliness is enough to make me want to do dreadful things. Things which I managed to put an end to months ago. Like hurting myself. Again, something I don’t want to go into too much detail with in this post.
I try to join in, but I say the wrong things. Sometimes they laugh at what I say, or push me away. Sometimes they ignore me altogether.
But it’s my closest friends that I miss. I don’t want to say too much, because I’m worried this might get read.
But I will say this. Today isn’t the first time I’ve hidden in the toilets, or sat by myself. I can’t cope with the group. But no-one even bothers to ask if I’m okay. I don’t know where they think I am when I’m not with them – maybe with the pastoral officer, but usually, I’m just by myself somewhere. Wishing that someone cared enough to be with me. But then I feel guilty – because I know they’d probably rather be elsewhere. I’m quite boring. I don’t make anyone laugh. LOL. THIS ISN’T SUPPOSED TO BE A SELF-PITYING POST OMG I’M SORRY AHA!
I don’t want this to be some long depressing post. To be honest, I don’t always mind being by myself. I’ve gotten used to the feeling of loneliness – and it feels natural and normal. But often I get upset, because I MISS being cared about? I
miss my close friends asking if I’m okay. I used to hate it. But now it feels like they’ve moved on, and left me behind. They walked past me today when I was by myself. I don’t think they saw – fair enough. I’ve kind of just blurred into the background.
It’s fair enough. They’ve all made new friends, and they’re fun, and they get along really well with them. They’re HAPPY. And that’s all I would ever want for them – they deserve to be with people who make them laugh so much! And I get it, I can’t do that. I’m not as interesting. I don’t understand memes and the jokes they go on about. I’m just not as fun as they are. Why would they ever leave others to be with me, when I can’t offer anything except a blotchy face from tears? And I’m not the most fun to hang out with, hence why no-one ever organises anything. (OMG I’M SO SELF PITYING AHAHAHAHA. I’m so bad at blogging lol)
I don’t even know how much of this is actually true or how much of this is my low self-esteem 😦
Okay I’m stopping here. I’m ranting. And if it’s read by my friends, I don’t want them hating me too much. Hence why it’s taken me this long to talk about this subject. And this wasn’t supposed to be a depressing post.
It was SUPPOSED to be an advice post! But yeah…that didn’t really work out. Sorry. Again. UGH I MUST stop apologising!
So guys. I hope you aren’t too bored of my meaningless ramblings. I have a bit of a sunken heart after writing this. I feel better. A LOT. But I also know I could have written a lot more, which I don’t want to say. Grrr. This is why writing a diary could be helpful 😀 (<< There we go, there’s some advice! Now I can class this as an advice post aha. GO write a diary to help ya!)
I hope your Monday wasn’t as bad as mine 🙂 To be fair, mine wasn’t even that bad, lol. Believe me, it’s been worse.
And can I just say. After such a long post of me complaining. I do actually have wonderful friends, especially my best friends. I just take up way too much time from people and am a pain aha.
If you’ve experienced struggles with friends, let me know in the comments. Maybe we can all help each other out 🙂
Love, Em x
If you have any queries, want to guest post, do a collab, or just need to chat, please contact me on any of my social medias, my email ‘firstname.lastname@example.org’, or via my contact page. Hope you’re having a lovely day!